Betty stood on the cliffside, the cold wind whipping her hair around her face. The tears that slowly leaked from her eyes were quickly dried, but her red-rimmed eyes still bore the evidence. 

“Just give me a reason!” she shouted to the sky. The sky answered her back with the first few raindrops of the coming storm. She watched the fat drops fall down past the edge of the cliff, rapidly disappearing into the chasm below. She could follow them. It’s what she felt like doing, if she were being honest with herself. 

She had thought that when she left James, she would feel lighter. With him, she always felt as if she was taking up too much space or time, and she had made herself smaller over the years to suit his expectations. She knew that she couldn’t take any more of the soul-breaking, body-aching, knife-twisting pain that she had come to accept as the daily price of loving him. She knew that it was time to go. 

Losing the weight of him was supposed to be her break for freedom. Instead, it felt like pulling out a dagger that had been stabbed into her heart. She was bleeding out, emotionally.

He hadn’t even tried to stop her from leaving. Betty knew deep down that her love was something that should be celebrated, and she shouldn’t have to beg until her knees bled to be loved just as fiercely. She truly had given it her all, but he had given her nothing at all, right up to the end. 

He even had the gall to act like he didn’t understand why she was leaving, but also couldn’t be bothered to care. Did he assume she was fine with being treated so badly all those years? His abuse may have been subtle, but it had taken its toll. Betty felt like a frozen, barren wasteland; like the ashes left behind after a blazing fire; like a drum that had been beaten until it broke. All of her best laid plans for their life together were in ruins. It felt as if she could cry fifteen million tears and still have more to cry. 

That pain was what had brought her to the cliffside that evening. She didn’t want to kill herself. She only wanted the pain to stop. She needed some reason to keep going, some ray of hope that her life would be happy again someday.

She thought of her mom, and knew that it was time to go home. Her mom would take care of her, and give her the time and space she needed to put herself back together again. Even if she didn’t see any light through the darkness she was currently walking through, she told herself that it would come eventually. Her sun was just eclipsed right now, and eclipses don’t last forever.

Grudgingly, she got back in her car and pulled away from the cliffside turnout, continuing on her way back to her hometown. 

She was still about an hour away when her cell phone rang, and she glanced down to see “Inez” on the caller ID. She flipped the phone open and pushed the button for the speakerphone.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey,” Inez returned. 

Of course, Betty had already told Inez about what had happened with James. Her best friend had been there for her, as always. She’d driven down right away to help Betty pack up her most important possessions and had made arrangements for movers to come get the rest later. She’d gone with Betty to the hotel, helped her settle in and given her an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. She’d even stayed with her for a couple of days, but Betty finally told her she should go home and that she would follow her after she finished tying up her move details. Inez had still called to check on her each day since then, and knew that she was finally on her way to her mother’s house. 

“How’s the drive going? How are you doing?” Inez asked.

“It’s fine,” Betty sighed. “I’ll be there around 9:30.”

“Great. I can meet you there? Have a girls night for your first night back?” 

Betty knew that Inez was worried about her, though she was trying to disguise just how much with a light tone. She thought it was sweet that Inez didn’t want her to be alone, and truth be told, she’d appreciated her company during this painful transition. 

“That would be nice,” she agreed. 

After a few moments, Inez spoke again. “You know that you did the right thing, right Betty?”

Betty hesitated a moment. “I guess,” she replied. “But honestly… I just feel kind of weak. Like I’m taking the easy way out, just abandoning ship.”

“Oh no, absolutely not,” Inez said fiercely. “Sometimes, giving up is the strong thing. You are so strong, Betty. To run when you know that you are in a bad place takes courage. You are brave. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Betty smiled through tears. “Thanks, sweetie. That means a lot to me.”

“Anytime, babe. And you know what? Walking out from your marriage to that asshat is the single best thing you could have done to give yourself the chance to finally find the right thing. I know that you will,” she said with love. 

Betty sincerely hoped that her friend was right. She hoped that in time, her past with James would be nothing more than an exhibit in the history museum of her life— safely behind glass and unable to hurt her anymore. She hoped that someday soon she would feel the sense of rightness that she knew in her head was true, instead of feeling like she was holding a smoking gun after putting her marriage out of its misery. 

As she pulled into the driveway of her mom’s house, she felt her whole body release some of the tension it had been holding for what felt like weeks (or maybe even months… or years if she really thought about it). She was home. 

After bringing in her bags, Betty and her mom were sitting on the couch watching an old favorite rom-com when the front door opened and Inez walked in. She rushed quickly over to Betty, who rose to greet her with a long hug. 

“Hey you. I’m so glad you’re finally here,” Inez murmured into Betty’s wavy hair. 

“Me too,” Betty agreed, pulling back enough to look at her friend.

Inez had gorgeously rich brown skin, a halo of dark brown curls, and hazel green eyes. She had a much curvier figure than Betty’s willowy one, and was a few inches taller even before she put on her usual 3-inch platform high-heel boots. She had them in multiple colors, and today she was wearing dark purple shoes to match her form-fitting purple sweater-dress. A crop-top jean jacket completed her look, which Betty couldn’t help but admire. She always managed to look put-together while still letting her big personality shine through in her fashion choices. She looked both cute and drop-dead gorgeous at the same time, and at the sight of her best friend, Betty couldn’t stop the smile from forming on her lips.

“Wow, you look good. How is it that you always look so good?” Betty asked teasingly. For the briefest moment, Inez looked taken aback, but the expression was quickly transformed into a goofy grin. 

“Oh, stop,” she said in response. “You’re the one who always manages to look like a damn supermodel in just jeans and a t-shirt,” Inez gently tucked a lock of Betty’s hair behind her ear. Then she stepped away and looked over at Clara. “You must get it from your mom,” she smiled, reaching for a hug from the woman in question. 

“Aww, thanks,” Clara smiled sweetly, returning the hug. 

The three women sat on the couch, Inez choosing the spot on the loveseat next to Betty. They chatted for a while before deciding to finish up the movie that Betty and her mom had been watching before Inez arrived. Inez had already seen it before, and didn’t mind being thrown into the middle of the story. She was just happy to be there with her bestie.

After the movie ended, Betty asked if Inez wanted to stay over. Inez agreed, and went out to the car to grab the overnight bag that she always kept packed and ready. She had it for practical reasons, like being able to stay over at a friend’s house at a moment’s notice, as well as for emergencies. Betty had her own overnight bag in the trunk of her car for the same reasons; it was a habit leftover from their teenage days, when impromptu sleepovers at each others’ houses were frequent. 

They got ready for bed and then Betty set up the trundle bed for Inez. After Clara had moved to her new house, one of the bedrooms had been designated for Betty so that she would always have a comfortable place to be when she visited. Since their home when she was growing up had been a one-bedroom apartment, Betty hadn’t had her own bedroom. She had shared the single bedroom with her mom, and the twin trundle bed that she now had in her new bedroom was the very same one that used to be in their bedroom at that apartment. Back then, when Inez had spent the night, they had squeezed into Betty’s twin bed together. Now, as adults, they had the luxury of each having their own bed; but deep down, Betty sort of missed being snuggled up close to one of the two people in the world with whom she felt safest.

As the women laid in their beds, side by side, they talked. Betty still had so much processing to do, with everything that had happened with James. Inez knew that, and she encouraged Betty to speak freely as she listened. 

“You know, I think I left a part of me back in New York,” Betty said. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when I went to New York that summer after junior year, I discovered so much about myself.” Briefly, she thought of her short fling with Hanna, which she had never told anybody about. She also thought about the internship that she had enjoyed so much. “I found out that the career I was interested in was actually a great fit for me, and that I had potential in the field. That led me to where I am now,” she smiled. Inez waited for her to go on.

“But, when I came back home, I somehow lost some of the confidence and independence I felt from that experience. I told myself that I was over James, but the reality is that I was still waiting for him to come back. When he did, I was ready to forgive him with open arms. Obviously looking back, I think that may have been a mistake.” She sighed before continuing. “It was like… he knew the password, so I let him in the door. He knew exactly what to say to get me to take him back.”

Inez thought for a moment before responding. 

“Yes, he did,” she agreed. “He knew who you were. A loving, forgiving, beautiful woman who is worth fighting for.” 

Betty couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. But her smile was short-lived, as her feelings of sadness washed back over her.

“I just hate that this is my story now. I hate that I was so wrong about him, you know? I feel like an idiot.” A tear rolled down Betty’s cheek and Inez reached over to gently wipe it away.

“You are not an idiot, not at all. He’s the idiot. He’s the villain of this story,” Inez chuckled. 

“True,” Betty agreed. “What he did was dark, wasn’t it? He hurt me worse than anyone ever has. Even being left by my dad and bullied over it at school wasn’t this painful. In a messed up way, what James did just picked at those old scars. He reinforced the idea in the back of my mind that I’m not worth staying for, or fighting for. He may not have been the one to leave, physically, in the end… but he left me emotionally a long time ago,” Betty realized. 

“Sweetie, you are absolutely worth staying for and fighting for. I fought for you with those school bullies, didn’t I? I knew from the moment I met you that you were a special person. James just wasn’t the one for you. I bet he’ll find someone someday who’ll be more in line with what he deserves—which is someone who has only a fraction of the love you have to give,” Inez reached over to take her hand and squeeze it gently.  

“She’ll have a fine pedigree,” Betty rolled her eyes. “His friends will tell him that she’s better than me. They can all sit around talking about the meaning of life, and the latest books that saved their lives. She’ll fit right in with them.” 

“They can go to cool indie music concerts together while wearing matching pairs of organic shoes,” Inez chortled. 

“Oh, yes. They can enjoy their perfect mansion with their million dollar couch,” Betty added with a snort. 

“But you know that he’ll still be thinking about you. The one real thing he’s ever known.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. He can chase make believe status and search for his soul in the world all he wants, but in the end… he’s going to realize that the love that he’s looking for is the love that he had with me. I may not have been raised in the upper crust like him, but at least with me he knew that none of that shit really mattered, and he was free to focus on things that were more important.” 

Inez nodded in agreement. “I think that people like him, they don’t understand what is really valuable in life. They only see what’s on the surface, what things look like from the outside. It’s sad really, because he’ll never be happy.”

Betty sighed. Despite herself, she hoped that wasn’t true. She was devastated that things hadn’t worked between them; it felt like her kingdom had come undone. She had to start over in a lot of ways, in life, and that was painful and scary. But regardless, she didn’t want James to be unhappy for the rest of his life. She loved him, even though he didn’t love her in return—at least not anywhere close to the way she deserved to be loved. She hoped that he would find some level of happiness in life, whether that meant having adventures on his own or meeting some woman on the internet and taking her home. 

“Ugh. Enough about that guy,” Betty said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the somber mood. 

“Music to my ears,” Inez teased. “What should we talk about instead? Hmmm…” she paused to think. 

“Let’s talk about you,” Betty said firmly. “Tell me what’s new with you.”

“Oh you know, it’s been nothing new really,” Inez hedged. “Just going to work, then back home to Gatsby; lather, rinse, repeat.” 

“Awww, how is little baby Jay?” Betty asked in a cutesy voice, referring to the sweet cat that had basically been Inez’s baby since she adopted him a few years ago. 

“He’s purrfect, as always.” Inez reached over to grab her phone, flipped it open, and clicked a few buttons before turning the screen towards Betty. She grabbed it to get a closer look, and couldn’t help but make sounds of adoration at the photos of Gatsby. He was a gorgeous, pure white cat with striking blue eyes and a sweet round face that made him look forever like a kitten. He had many nicknames, but Betty’s favorite was “baby Jay.” It had a nice ring to it, she felt. 

“I can’t wait to get some snuggles in with him,” said Betty, “and boop that perfect pink nose!” 

“Let’s not forget about counting his little toe beans,” Inez added. “The toe beans are of utmost importance.” 

“Well of course,” Betty agreed, handing the phone back to Inez. “I’m glad you have that sweet boy in your life. But on that note…” she turned to look at Inez more closely. “Are there any human boys in your life right now?” She arched an eyebrow questioningly. 

Before answering, Betty could have sworn she saw a blush color her cheeks, but she couldn’t be sure in the darkened room. 

“Oh my lord,” Betty stage whispered. “There is someone? Who is he?!”

“No, no, no,” Inex interjected, “there isn’t, I swear. No boys. I just…” she paused, not sure how to go on. 

“What is it?” Betty asked, beginning to feel concerned. It was so unlike her friend to be hesitant with sharing information. 

“I… Well, I have learned some things about myself in the past year. I guess I have always known, really, but I’m just now finally coming to accept them. I’ve been afraid to tell you, if I’m being honest.”

“Afraid? But why? You know how important you are to me. I’m always here for you, no matter what,” Betty reached over to hold Inez’s hand. 

Inez closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked directly into Betty’s.

“I don’t like men, Betty.” 

Betty took a moment to ponder this. Did she mean… But no, that couldn’t be what she meant. Surely she would have realized this about her closest friend long ago if that were the case. But then again…

“I’m gay,” Inez finally said, a barely noticeable tremor in her voice. 

Betty was shocked for a moment, but then realization dawned over her. It all made perfect sense. Inez watched anxiously as the emotions played across her face. 

“Oh!” Betty said. “You’re gay. I… well, I suppose I should have seen that a very long time ago,” she admitted sheepishly. “You never dated any boys in school. You’ve barely dated anybody since then. I just figured you were more of an independent type,” she shrugged, looking apologetic. 

“Betty, I didn’t even know myself. I mean, I did, but… I also didn’t. It was like I was blocking it out intentionally, pretending I couldn’t see it. I was afraid,” she said, emotion thickening her voice. “I was afraid of what people would say, to a degree, despite myself. You know I’ve always had the attitude that other peoples’ opinions don’t matter. But mostly, I think I was afraid of what you would think.” 

Betty felt tears spring to her eyes and she sat up in bed, climbing over and onto Inez’s bed. She sat cross-legged beside her best friend, and took both of her hands in her own. Looking deeply into her eyes, she began to try to explain just how much she cared for her. 

“Inez,” she began. “I am so sorry that you were afraid of what I would think. I am so sorry that I didn’t pay enough attention to notice this and help you understand yourself better. But I am telling you now, I love you so much and I am for you. I would never judge you for something that is a part of you. I know that the world can be hateful, but between us, there will never be anything but love, okay?” The earnest concern and love in her eyes brought tears to Inez’s eyes as well. The women sat there for a moment, crying and hugging, before they finally pulled away. 

“Thank you,” Inez said. “I appreciate you so much. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted, I can’t even tell you how good it feels.” Her smile was radiant, and Betty let it warm her like the sun. 

“So,” Betty wriggled her eyebrows. “In that case, are there any special ladies in your life right now?” 

This time, Betty was positive that she saw Inez blush. She looked at her expectantly. 

“Ooof,” Inez let out a big sigh. “I can’t believe this is happening right now. I didn’t plan on telling you about me being gay tonight. I was going to wait until you were back on your feet at least a little more.” She cast her gaze around the room anxiously. Betty could tell that she had something more to say that was still making her nervous. After that last revelation, what could  be making her feel that way? What could possibly be bigger than that? 

Unless… Betty felt her stomach dip unexpectedly. Was Inez with someone who she was really serious about? It was possible she’d been dating women for years without sharing it with Betty. What if she had fallen in love? What if she had a serious partner? 

It was confusing to Betty that these questions would bring such anxiety to her mind. Why wouldn’t she just be happy for her friend, if that were the case? Was it because she would feel that Inez had been hiding a big part of herself from her, and that would make her feel unimportant or that Inez didn’t trust her? Before she could parse through these thoughts any further, Inez spoke again. 

“I know this is so far from the right time,” she said. “But I already did the first scary part. I might as well finish it, while I’m feeling brave.” She was looking anywhere but at Betty, and it was almost as if she were talking to herself, hyping herself up with these words. 

“What is it?” Betty asked, growing more concerned by the moment. 

There was a long pause.

“I’m in love with you,” Inez said. Her voice was quiet, vulnerable, and certain. 

Betty couldn’t stop herself from gasping. That was the last thing she’d been expecting. 

Songs Used:

All Too Well

the 1

tolerate it

it’s time to go

hoax

I Bet You Think About Me